Why We Ignore What We Want

https://jefblockercoaching.com/contact-2/Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

Sometimes people know exactly what they want.

They've known for years.

The problem isn't clarity.

The problem is permission.

Permission to disappoint people.

Permission to leave.

Permission to start over.

Permission to choose themselves.

I think many of us spend far more time asking whether we're allowed to want something than asking whether it truly belongs to us.

When Fear Kept Me In Texas

When I was twenty-four, the company I worked for was sold to another company that planned to move its operations from the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

They offered me a relocation package to move to Atlanta.

They talked about the mountains of North Georgia, the rivers and lakes, and all the outdoor activities that would be nearby.

Part of me was excited.

I had lived in Texas my entire life and longed for adventure.

But another part of me was terrified.

My closest friends lived in DFW.

One of them was my roommate and on-again, off-again boyfriend.

I couldn't imagine leaving everything I knew behind.

So I turned the opportunity down.

Over the next four years, I moved from one unsatisfying job to another.

I eventually left my unhealthy living situation and moved in with a healthier roommate. My friends paired off, got busy with their own lives, and I found myself longing for something more.

The life I had chosen out of fear no longer fit.

Then a new friend invited me to drive to Atlanta to visit a friend for his birthday.

I went.

I met my friend's friend.

We stayed in touch.

Ten months later, I packed my belongings, climbed into my car, and moved to a city where I knew exactly one person.

That person eventually became my boyfriend and, years later, my husband.

Fear delayed me.

But eventually, the discomfort of staying became greater than the fear of leaving.

The Messages We Inherit

Growing up, I received many of the same messages many people hear:

Don't be selfish.

Be grateful for what you have.

Find a good job with benefits and health insurance.

Save your money.

Work hard.

Dreams are nice, but reality is what pays the bills.

I don't think these messages were meant to discourage me.

They were meant to protect me.

But protection and fulfillment are not always the same thing.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that wanting more could be interpreted as ingratitude.

That pursuing something meaningful might be irresponsible.

That passion was optional, but security was essential.

And because I was a good kid, I listened.

My sexuality added another layer to all of this.

I was already carrying something that felt different, uncertain, and potentially disappointing to the people I loved.

The last thing I wanted was to create more waves.

Honoring Yourself Is Not Selfish

When I realized that my attraction to men was deeper than curiosity, I took my time.

I explored.

I reflected.

I paid attention.

Eventually, I understood something important.

I could marry a woman and build the life everyone expected me to have.

But sooner or later, I would disappoint everyone involved, including myself.

I couldn't fight what felt true.

And accepting that truth didn't erase my values.

I could still be kind.

Dependable.

Loving.

Generous.

Responsible.

Being honest about who I was did not diminish any of those things.

It simply allowed me to live them more fully.

I've learned that self-honoring and selfishness are not the same thing.

When I honor myself, I have far more energy and compassion available for the people I love.

When I abandon myself, resentment slowly takes root.

And resentment helps no one.

What Self-Abandonment Feels Like

My body usually knows before my mind catches up.

When I'm ignoring something important, I feel heavy.

Listless.

Hopeless.

Nothing interests me.

I don't want to create.

I don't want to move.

I don't want to connect.

It's as though the world loses its color.

I think many people experience this and assume they're lazy or unmotivated.

Sometimes they're simply disconnected from what matters to them.

Responsibility Or Numbing?

There is nothing wrong with working a job to pay the bills.

We need food.

Shelter.

Healthcare.

Security matters.

But there's a difference between supporting yourself and numbing yourself.

Sometimes we stay in jobs that drain our spirits because the money helps us avoid confronting how deeply unhappy we are.

The expensive car.

The bigger house.

The fancy vacations.

The nice clothes.

Those things can become distractions from a more uncomfortable question:

What if I stopped building a life that looks successful and started building one that actually feels meaningful?

Waiting For Permission

People pleasing often shows up as waiting.

Waiting for approval.

Waiting for certainty.

Waiting for the universe to send a sign.

Waiting until everyone else understands.

Waiting until nobody will be disappointed.

But I've come to believe something different.

The longing itself is the permission.

The desire that keeps returning.

The curiosity that refuses to disappear.

The dream that quietly follows you through every stage of your life.

Those things matter.

They are trying to tell you something.

You don't need a formal invitation.

You already received it.

What Happens When We Ignore Our Curiosity

When we ignore what fascinates us for too long, passion begins to fade.

Life becomes mechanical.

Our senses dull.

We stop making good decisions.

We neglect our health.

We lose our playfulness.

We numb ourselves with food, alcohol, shopping, television, work, relationships, or endless distractions.

Not because we're weak.

Because human beings need meaning.

We need wonder.

We need things that light us up from the inside.

Starting Small

The good news is that reconnecting with ourselves rarely requires dramatic change.

When we've been dream-deprived for years, small steps matter.

Notice what energizes you.

Pay attention to how your body feels when curiosity appears.

Create something simply for the joy of creating it.

Rest when you're tired.

Spend time with people who celebrate your dreams instead of diminishing them.

Let yourself play.

The goal isn't immediate transformation.

It's remembering what aliveness feels like.

The Scariest And Best Decision I Ever Made

Moving to Atlanta terrified me.

I had about five hundred dollars.

I knew one person.

Nobody owed me anything.

I had to trust myself.

I found a place to live.

I found work.

I made friends.

I joined an outdoor group that I'm still involved with thirty years later.

I discovered abilities and strengths I didn't know I possessed.

I grew.

I thrived.

It remains one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Not because it was easy.

Because it was true.

If Choosing Yourself Feels Impossible

Many people believe that choosing themselves means disappointing everyone else.

But most people are far more occupied with their own fears, regrets, and decisions than we imagine.

Choosing yourself is not abandoning others.

It's stepping into the sunlight after years of trying to survive underground.

You can finally breathe.

And when you breathe more deeply, everyone around you benefits.

The people who love you want to see you alive, engaged, curious, and fulfilled.

The ones who don't may have their own work to do.

Trust Is Built Through Action

People often ask:

Why can't I make a decision?

Why do I keep settling?

Why do I ignore my intuition?

I think they're searching for reassurance that they can trust themselves.

But trust works like every other relationship.

It grows through experience.

We trust ourselves by taking small actions and noticing what happens.

We build confidence by honoring our inner knowing over and over again.

Eventually, our lives become evidence that we can rely on ourselves.

A Gentle Reflection

Permission

What permission am I waiting for that I could give myself today?

The Cost of Staying

What part of myself is being neglected by remaining exactly where I am?

Listening to Desire

What longing keeps returning, no matter how many times I try to ignore it?

You Don't Have To Figure It Out Alone

If you're feeling stuck between what feels safe and what feels true, coaching can help you reconnect with your values, your curiosity, and your inner compass.

If you'd like support exploring what comes next, you can contact me directly or schedule a Discovery Call.

Sometimes the life we want has been quietly calling to us for years.

The question is not whether we have permission to answer.

The question is whether we're finally ready to listen.