How to Know What You Really Want

Many people are not lost. They are following someone else's map.

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

One of the most common things I hear from people is:

"I don't know what I want."

They say it when they're unhappy in their jobs.

When relationships aren't working.

When life feels flat.

When they've accomplished everything they thought would make them happy and somehow still feel unsatisfied.

At first glance, it sounds like a simple question.

But it isn't.

Because most people don't struggle to know what they want.

They struggle to separate what they want from what they've been told they should want.

Those are two very different things.

Following Someone Else's Map

My bachelor's degree is in Communications with an emphasis in Radio and Television Production. Yet I never worked in that field.

Like many people, I was encouraged to pursue stability, security, and benefits.

So I accepted a job with an insurance company and quickly worked my way up.

From the outside, it looked like success.

The salary was good.

The benefits were good.

People respected what I did.

But over time, something began to feel wrong.

I found myself solving the same problems over and over again.

The same employees created the same issues.

The same clients experienced the same disappointments.

I worked longer and harder trying to fix things, yet nothing meaningful changed.

Eventually, I no longer believed my work was improving anyone's life.

And that mattered more to me than the paycheck.

What I discovered was not that I wanted a different job.

I discovered I wanted to help people.

That realization eventually led me through the mortgage industry, nonprofit work, UX and content design, coaching, health & wellness coaching, mindfulness, feng shui, and Reiki.

The path wasn't linear.

But the desire underneath it remained remarkably consistent.

I wanted to help people improve their lives.

What Curiosity Feels Like

I've noticed there is a tremendous difference between pursuing something because you think you're supposed to want it and pursuing something because you're genuinely fascinated by it.

My body knows the difference immediately.

When I'm pursuing something that doesn't fit, I feel it in my shoulders.

Everything feels heavy.

Tight.

Constricted.

Work feels like work.

But when I'm following genuine curiosity, something else happens.

I feel lighter.

More energized.

More creative.

Time disappears.

Hours pass without me noticing.

I want to learn more.

Explore more.

Talk about it.

Experiment with it.

That's often a clue.

Curiosity leaves breadcrumbs.

Why So Many People Don't Know What They Want

I think many people want an easy answer.

Someone to tell them:

"This is your purpose."

"This is your path."

"This is who you are."

But self-discovery rarely works that way.

Discovering what you truly want requires:

• attention
• experimentation
• reflection
• courage
• patience

And sometimes people are afraid of what they might discover.

If they admit what they really want, they may need to make changes.

Others may not understand.

People might judge them.

They might fail.

Or so they fear.

Sometimes it feels safer to remain uncertain than to face what we already suspect is true.

Success Is Not The Same Thing As Satisfaction

Many people spend years chasing goals.

Goals aren't bad.

Neither are success or achievement.

But they're not the same as fulfillment.

A goal is a destination.

You arrive.

You check it off.

You move on.

Fulfillment works differently.

It continues nourishing you.

It feeds something deeper.

I've achieved things I once desperately wanted.

In my twenties, I created a vision board.

It included:

• Polo button-down shirts
• khakis
• loafers
• a dark-haired boyfriend
• a Mazda Miata

Eventually, I manifested all of them.

Today, only one still matters.

The boyfriend.

Who is now my husband.

The things I thought would make me happy were temporary.

The relationship wasn't.

That taught me something important.

What we truly want often isn't what we initially think we want.

Signs You're Living Someone Else's Version Of Success

You may be living someone else's version of success if:

• your accomplishments don't satisfy you
• you're always chasing the next thing
• your life looks good but feels empty
• you feel chronically drained
• you numb yourself with distractions
• work feels heavy
• you rarely feel excited about what's next

Many people keep searching for fulfillment through:

• money
• recognition
• relationships
• possessions
• achievements

Only to discover the feeling never lasts very long.

The issue isn't that they haven't achieved enough.

It's that they're pursuing things that don't truly nourish them.

Follow Your Curiosity

If there is one lesson I've learned repeatedly, it's this:

Follow your curiosity.

Curiosity has guided nearly every meaningful change in my life.

It led me toward:

• writing
• coaching
• mindfulness
• wellness
• feng shui
• spirituality
• community
• creativity

Curiosity points toward what feels alive.

And what feels alive often points toward what matters.

Not every curiosity becomes a career.

Not every fascination becomes a calling.

But following those interests helps us discover ourselves.

There Is No Perfect Security

Many people stay on paths that no longer fit because they believe those paths are safer.

But life offers very few guarantees.

Companies downsize.

Jobs disappear.

Markets change.

People retire.

Industries evolve.

The security we seek externally often proves temporary.

What lasts is our ability to trust ourselves.

When you follow what feels true, you begin building a different kind of security.

The confidence that you can navigate whatever comes next.

A Curiosity Inventory

Take a few quiet moments and ask yourself:

• What fascinates me lately?
• What topics keep capturing my attention?
• What do I find myself reading about repeatedly?
• What conversations energize me?
• What would I explore if nobody judged the outcome?

An Energy Audit

Notice what currently:

Energizes You

• activities
• people
• environments
• conversations
• projects

Drains You

• obligations
• environments
• expectations
• routines
• relationships

Expands You

• curiosity
• learning
• creativity
• connection
• exploration

Contracts You

• fear
• obligation
• performance
• perfectionism
• people pleasing

A Fascination Tracker

Look back across your life.

What themes have appeared repeatedly?

What interests never seem to go away?

What topics, people, ideas, books, experiences, or communities keep finding their way back into your life?

The answers may reveal more than you realize.

You Don't Need Someone Else To Tell You Who You Are

Many people searching for purpose are really searching for permission.

Permission to trust themselves.

Permission to want what they want.

Permission to stop living by someone else's expectations.

The journey isn't about discovering one perfect answer.

It's about learning to listen more carefully.

To your curiosity.

To your body.

To your experience.

To your truth.

And then having the courage to follow where they lead.

You Don't Have To Figure It Out Alone

If you're feeling stuck, uncertain, disconnected, or unsure what comes next, coaching can help you reconnect with your curiosity, values, and inner compass.

If you'd like support exploring what comes next, you can contact me directly or schedule a Discovery Call.

You may be closer to knowing what you want than you think.

Sometimes the answer begins with simply paying attention to what has been trying to get your attention all along.